![]() ‘Choosing to do this online is the easiest way, as there are hundreds of sites available to everyone. ‘You want to be able to trust and know that you want the same things,’ she advises. Of course, if you’re new to the world of being a submissive, it’s not as easy as going on Tinder to find the right match, says Coates. It actually made me feel better about men, less afraid of engaging with them.’ ‘Another third were genuinely curious so we talked through what being a sub meant to me. ‘So around one third of my inbox just took the p**s, and another third of guys were just gross, saying things like: “Hey babycakes.” ![]() ‘I put that I was submissive in my dating profile, as I was just sick of the small talk – I don’t care about small talk, so I explicitly stated what I wanted in a whole list. ‘When I was first on apps, I had to sift through a lot of manure,’ she explains. It allows me to feel sexual pleasure much more easily than if I was to do it myself.’ ‘Because of my past feelings of shame and guilt around sex, I find freedom in submission, as it’s someone doing those things to me. ‘I like to be submissive as it grounds me,’ Monieau continues. ‘In a way, I kink-ified my past trauma about sex and leaned into it.’ It’s like I did a 180, which ended up being a 360. ‘As I grew older, I came to terms with conventional ideas of male and female roles. ‘I didn’t even know what masturbation really was, but I knew it was bad. ‘I grew up thinking sex was shameful,’ Monieau adds. Monieau’s path which lead to her foray into the world of BDSM is an unusual one, as she grew up in the Mormon community, whom stress their strict law of chastity – consisting of abstaining from sex outside of marriage, and shunning inter-marital affairs or homosexual relationships. Not a dark side as in, their personality shows red flags, but someone who can do some nasty, amazing things to me.’ ‘I like someone who is self-assured and can command a presence,’ she says. ‘Being the submissive partner means that you find pleasure from activities such as being disciplined, punished, or spanked. ‘Having a submissive kink as a part of a BDSM sexual encounter, is where the “submissive” participant is willingly obedient and gives the control and power to the “dominant” participant,’ explains Tracey Coates, sexual wellness expert for sex toy site. In its most basic form, being a submissive means yielding to the dominant’s whims. ![]() There are plenty of confident, competent submissives who work in numerous high-powered, demanding roles, who just want to be submissive in the bedroom.’ ‘But that is such a broad generalisation. ‘Many people believe female submissives are brain-washed and unintelligent or just following the social normative ideas around men and women,’ Monieau explains on .uk’s no-holds-barred sex podcast, Smut Drop. But what is life (and sex) like for a woman who is firmly entrenched in the BDSM community as a submissive? Well, according to one sub called Monieau, it’s far from what misconceptions and stereotypes would lead outsiders to believe.
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